Life Coaching for Teens is a leadership workbook I put together to aid Latino youth, which explores topics on the essential foundations in leadership development.
I am making the PDF copy available to you to use in the training and development of Latino youth.
Link: Life Coaching for Teens _ Seminar Version
Please fill out and provide your comments about Life Coaching for Teens, thanks!
As a father of two Latina daughters I have had my encounters with young men who were of less character than I was expecting when they wanted to date my daughters. Now granted, we are talking about High School age youth, but at the same time you wonder if their parents where really parenting and shaping virtuous qualities into these young men. Over the years, with my own daughters and many other young Latina ladies from church and the 
workplace, I have noticed that many Latinas struggle with Latino male selection. For example, I know of a Latina who has been married twice. She has mentioned a few times her regret in Latino male selection. When she looks back into her life, she questions herself; was it my immaturity or stupidity, or are all male Latinos self-centered with a sprinkle of Machismo? As a minister, I have seen many examples of pregnant, unmarried or uncommitted, Latinas and I wonder – where is their male counterpart? They are nowhere to be found. What happened with the male selection or discernment process of these young and naïve Latinas? After reflecting on many fronts about his subject matter I have identified five criteria Latina’s should consider placing on their checklist when dating or selecting a male companion. This first one is fundamental…
1. Is he working?
Perhaps you’re thinking – this guy is really insensitive to the Latino male struggle in finding employment in today’s economic topsy-turvy world. Not really! When you are selecting a male companion you must first consider is this man stable? One of the ways to do this is to work on your discernment skills by ask ing yourself a few questions:
a. Is he working?
b. Is he dedicated to his work?
c. Can he keep a job?
One thing is for certain, you don’t want to commit to a Latino male if he is not working or is constantly “in and out” of jobs. Why? It’s an issue of character, an unwillingness to learn from others and one who is not totally engaged and dedicated by keeping and maintaining a job.
2. Is he a moral and ethical man?
The second item on your checklist is simple – Is this man honest and sincere? If you desire an immoral and unethical man you will have marital problems of huge proportions down the road. The reason for this is when times get tough, your man will cut corners, compromise and cheat to meet an end. Is this the type of boyfriend or husband you want? Perhaps, but I would rather place my money toward your more intellectual side of male selection.
3. Does he know where he is going?
The third item of your checklist is simple – does your man know where he is going? What I mean is, has he found purpose for his life? Does he possess vision for himself and the route he will be taking for his life? A person who has purpose has one distinguishing quality absent from other males – he is confident in whom he is (identity), and the direction he is going (destiny driven)? When challenged he confidently states his opinion and sticks with it, regardless of the backlash. Another test is the test of passion. Vision and purpose energizes a man with passion. When a man lacks passion, you know he is also deficient in self-confidence and life purpose.
4. What does he do on his spare time?
I asked a Latina female friend of mine one day – what did you do this weekend? She responded in emphatic tone saying, “Nothing!” I responded, “You had two whole days to do something. C’mon, you had to have done something worthwhile.” She paused and said, “My fiancé watched football all day on Sunday, and he was too tired on Saturday to do anything.” I thought to myself, “And you intend to marry this man?” Now, when I see her on occasion I am noticing a bit of unhappiness, emptiness and a deep longing for affection. I understand that we need rest and relaxation but not at the expense of developing relationship. I would suggest that you find a man who loves a balance between recreation as well as retreating… with you!
5. Is he spiritually attuned and aligned?
Finally, unless you are given to the nightlife, “clubbing” scene and the uncommitted male relationship, I would suggest that you find a man who is spiritually attuned and aligned with the values you desire to see in yourself and eventually your children. I have witnessed too many Latinas committing themselves too soon to a man, blinded by love, making decisions they will later regret. This blindness makes them hang onto their significant others “words” that they are Christian/Catholic or spiritually engaged. When the time comes for spiritually engagement or substance, it is missing miserably.
I know I have been tough in these five recommendations… I have a few more that will address on another blog post. However, I have also witnessed countless of Latina lives destroyed by wrong male selection. I would hope Latino fathers are teaching their daughters by being examples of what long-term relationships should look like.
We should all seek wholeness and emotional health through the proper channels of course. For some of us, the process to become “whole” and “healthy” is discovered through spirituality, counseling or other areas dealing with the inner self, which brings personal healing, growth and maturity within. In other words, you and I should strive to become a better version of ourselves, where all of our parts (spirit, soul and body) function properly.I have chosen the “circle” to exhibit this model since a circle is symbolic of something that is perfect and whole.
having one should know better yet they continue in their risky behavior, thinking they can get by undetected and unscathed. According to Gail Saltz:
I remember sitting in a meeting with a high profile public leader, discussing his embarrassing exposure. The affair started subtly until they were alone and the rest is history. Once exposed it was a BIG disappointment to all involved. An emotional affair starts with a simple wink, then a compliment, an accidental bump in the hallway, and an innuendo here and there. Then all the sudden strong “feelings” take over and an uncontrollable urge and curiosity sets in to experiment further. Boundaries are then tested until it’s too late, you’ve gone over a boundary line. So what actually is an “emotional affair”? An emotional affair is an affair of the heart and mind, where a person sends subtle messages to another conveying a playful purpose yet keeping the relationship secretive in nature. If you want to know you are having an emotional affair at work, take the following assessment:
One day there was an option play that took the running back around the side and down the sidelines. My son was playing the defensive end position and followed the play well. He ran toward the sidelines and gained so much momentum running that he just happened to meet the running back on the sideline at the right angle, at the right time with the right amount of speed and force. He had no other option but to plow him over by his shear momentum. It was a great site for any father to witness, as both of them went crashing down, kicking up dirt and grass as they tumbled upon the ground. As soon as he got off the ground I knew something had happened to him on the inside; there was a monumental change in his stride as he strutted back to the huddle. I discerned his fear had lifted as he had gained a new level of confidence as a gridiron man. He had crossed over the line of demarcation; from operating in fear to playing the game with confidence. When he got back into the huddle, his team members celebrated with him as they smacked his helmet with their hands, a sign of acceptance into an elite fraternity of gridiron men. I also noticed, in the plays that followed, he was not intimidated anymore. For him tackling was not a bad thing after all. He had tasted the experience of a tackle and liked it; therefore, crossing his personal line of demarcation, thus, distinguishing himself from his fear of tackling others by himself. My son had broken through fear, and went on to have many more successful prep football seasons as an all around, first string player.
My wife and I were privileged to raise three wonderful children; two daughters and a son. As a matter of fact, when I look back at those formative years, I simply sum them up as my “Golden Years” of parenting. My wife and I created wonderful memories, and had a great time interacting with them through all vital phases of their development. One of the things I am very proud of as a father was being able to reveal my kids identity before anyone else injected a false identity upon them. What I mean is, my wife and I were able to discern their gifts, talents and passions early on in life, and parented them with their own personal flow in mind. What I mean is, instead of injecting our own personal ambitions upon them, which wasn’t easy since I wanted my son to play baseball (Baseball was not a “fit” for him but football sure made up for it), we took note of what was threaded within each one, and went with what they had.Do you want to build confidence in your child? If so, tell them “who they are” before someone else does.
[1] http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/virtue, accessed October 28, 2009.
grips one day when he will have to release them into the hands of another man. If I was making the rules, I’d keep them the way they are but that’s not what the Designer intended. Therefore, I must suspend my desires for their destiny.
As soon as I got over this one, another fine young man entered the picture. He dated my youngest daughter for awhile. In June 2010, he took me out to breakfast and asked for my daughter’s hand in marriage. In August 2010, he took her to the top of the Grand Canyon to propose to her. The photographer he secretly invited took an amazing picture in real time. It was certainly a “Kodak” moment.
Well, the day has come and gone but not my tears… All I can say is that I’m blessed beyond measure. My wife and I have been given the privilege of raising and preparing two wonderful daughters for life and marriage. I’m so glad they choose to marry men instead of boys; godly men who will love them, take care of them and treat them as I did or even better. I’m so proud of them. In the meantime, I will continue praying for their success and happiness.
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
LATINO TOWNHALL 